You can still make a New Year’s resolution - even if you
missed the supposed New Year’s Eve deadline. Really, the whole month of January
is fair game for setting goals and making changes. What better time than the
first of the year to start fresh and improve yourself? It’s a good time for
kids too. They have settled into the school year and have adjusted to the major
changes of a new grade, new friends, and new teacher. At this point, making
voluntary changes in behavior is easier than when their little lives are in the
midst of school stress.
Work Together
A New Year’s resolution can be a highly personal goal. You
wouldn’t choose a resolution for your spouse, your brother or your next-door
neighbor. Your children should have the same consideration. If a person doesn’t
have the desire to alter their life, they simply won’t do it. No amount of
nagging is going to make them see the benefit of eating an apple over a candy
bar or drinking milk instead of soda. That said, when people know better they
do better. There is a huge difference between hearing and knowing. You can hear
that the candy bar has higher calories and fat levels but until you internalize
the benefits of apples and desire to apply them to your life, you haven’t
learned a thing. Young children can be guided in their goal setting but
shouldn’t be coerced. Giving them ideas and options will stimulate the
brainstorming process. In the end the decision should be theirs. If you have
something you’d like them to work on -- say picking up their toys before bed
time -- make it your goal to teach them that skill and instill the habit in
their lives through example, reminders, and instruction.
Accountability
Even though it is their decision, the resolution shouldn’t
be a secret. It seems we are often so worried about failing at something that
we tend to keep our dreams close to our heart. We take baby steps toward them
hoping no one notices our desire to change. Are we afraid of being judged
because we fail or simply because we try? Any effort at self-improvement made
by our friends, children, coworkers or ourselves should be championed and
encouraged. Instead of judging or punishing when a child falls short of their
goal, use the failure as an opportunity to teach optimism by encouraging them
to try again. Review the reasons they weren’t able to accomplish the task then
make a plan to do better next time. Many times a child stumbles after they hit
the end of their natural talent. Once the homework, musical instrument, or
sport becomes hard, they want to give up. Helping them to climb that wall and
learn to work toward a goal when it is no longer easy will give them skills
they can use throughout their life.
Goals that Stretch
Your child may be inclined to choose an easy resolution,
something they are already doing like practicing the piano or turning their
homework in on time. While it’s nice that they recognize those actions as
important, they will not be growing and learning if they aren’t pushing past
their current limits. Don’t allow your children to settle for mediocrity when
you know they can be great. If they already play the piano and want to use that
for their goal then have them pick a piece of music that’s above their skill
level or increase their practice time for the year. Kids are smart. They’ll
know if you are letting them cop out. By gently pressing your kids to push
beyond their limits you’re showing them that you believe in them and what they
are capable of accomplishing.
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